Hey everyone. What a ride. Five years ago I never could have imagined finding myself where I am now. I expect life will continue to send challenges my way to keep me humble. And those challenges do keep coming, and I continue to fall short in many ways. I am a human being. But these days it seems possible to me to imagine a dream and then step by step find my way towards it. . . with a lot of help from friends and a bit of luck.

Along the way I do find myself creating new assumptions for myself, new expectations, new little alliances and prejudices. But I guess each one will go the way of everything. . .nothing is permanent, I guess.

Today I will be performing in a little set of a big music festival. I have invited my brother, sister and daughter to take part with me in one song. It feels like the culmination of a dream. I know it won’t be perfect. But for so long I have wished that something like this could happen. And now it will.

Five years ago I felt like I was dying inside. I couldn’t find the door to open out into the world anymore. Then I made a couple of key decisions. I went back to the questions that I had asked myself when I was young about what I really wanted to do with my life. I gathered my courage and began step by step to take chances. And the world began to open to me. And I began to open to the world.

To anyone who is in the Lehigh Valley in Pennsylvania: please come and see me if you can this evening: August 3, 2009. I will be performing at Musikfest in Bethlehem, PA at the Lyrikplatz stage at 6:00 PM. Michelle who owns the Wildflower Cafe and Bill Medei who often hosts that open mike have created this opportunity for me and for four others who are performing on that stage this evening. The group of us begin at 5:00, and it ends at 9:30 or 10:00.

Thank you so much to everyone.

It can be really interesting how events fall into place sometimes. Here I have the opportunity to play a little gig in a big music festival and I can’t play the guitar. So I have to find people to help me. Again. You would think I would be good at accepting people’s help by now. I guess in some ways I am. But this is more complicated somehow.

I had no idea how much a part of me my practicing has been. How do I practice my musical processes without the guitar? OK. Well, I ask people to back me up. I seem to have a few people willing to help. I am really grateful for this. But people are busy in their schedules and I am still so hesitant: I ask for help tentatively. . . my voice isn’t very loud. So good people offer help, but they don’t understand my need. . . maybe I should talk louder. Maybe I am not clear. Maybe my expectations are too high.

You see, for so long I practiced for two or three hours a day. Not because I want to produce some outwardly pleasing product. Well, not mostly. Because I almost have to to remain clear. Like something has to come out. But now, I am hoping that other people can become my tools through which I can do the same thing. This is totally unrealistic.

I have to become clear in my own expectations and express myself in understandable language what I need. What a challenge for me. Life does that, doesn’t it?

I only have about six weeks left before I am supposed to perform, and I still don’t have much to show. I’ve got to get it together. I will keep trying to figure out how to communicate with those people who may be able to help me perform, but since it seems tough to touch base, I’d better learn a new way to play the guitar without using my left hand much. Like maybe slide with open chords?? I may just try that. But in the mean time, another call. . . maybe this time a practice session will work out.

Technorati Tags: guitar, Music, Spirit

Kom me naar buiten allemaal
Dan zoeken wij de wielewaal
En vinden wij die muziekant
Dan is zomer weer in’t land!

Dudeldjo klinkt zijn lied
Dudeldjo klinkt zijn lied
Dudeldjo en anders neit.

Oh, it feels like Springtime inside and outside. . . the birds are singing, my heart is expanding out so far I feel like bursting!

Technorati Tags: Bursting, Emergence, fluidity, hope, love, Music, renewal, Spirit

Maybe we really can succeed. Maybe all of what needs to be done can be combined with all of the potential energy that we humans have to solve our problems. We don’t have to languish. We can engage our potential. Check out what is happening! Here is a quote from an article I got from Green For All. The article describes a program called YouthBuild succinctly:

“YouthBuild works with young people who have dropped out of high school – kids without lots of opportunities and without lots of people believing they’ll succeed. These youth learn to build energy efficient homes for low-income families, and earn their GEDs at the same time.”

Here is a report on this program taped by CNN when one hundred involved young people visited Michelle Obama.

I learned from my dear friend Kim today that I may have to forgo my guitar playing for a long while. The joint where my left thumb joins my hand needs lots of time off. I spent a few years playing hard, getting out all of the old feelings and bringing in the new. Now for six months I have avoided the guitar. But my thumb needs a lot more time to heal. I still have more to express. It has gotten to where I love the groove that I find myself in when I am playing, especially when I am performing and it is working well.

I guess I can find that groove without my guitar. Adapt. Go with the flow. Step with the dance.

Technorati Tags: adapt, dance, flow, guitar

Here is an interview with Michael Franti. What an inspiring human being he is!

Technorati Tags: art, hope, Michael Franti, Music, Spirit

Life is good.

I guess the best things come when you’re not trying too hard. I hope that that will be the case this Saturday when I have to play for a wedding with practically no preparation. Wing it. Wing it with a smile. Well, I’ve got good folks to smile with me as I do less than my perfect ideal.

I saw Trevor Exter perform at the Wildflower Cafe’s fourth anniversary party. He is in the midst of a NY subway musician’s contest called NYC Soundtracks. Check him out.

Upon browsing the site I came upon another musician who I enjoy very much, Balla Tounkara, but the video disappeared after a year, so this is the best replacement video I could find of him performing in Montreal:

It is great to feel real people playing real music.

**
Yeah, right.

I am a reflection of our collective insanity. Or maybe our collective insanity is a reflection of what is inside of me and a lot of other people. My whole life I have wanted to purify myself. Get rid of the “bad” parts. Be perfect. I have been striving for perfection. I have been rejecting myself as I am.

I have been using all of my practices to poke at myself. I have been punishing myself with “spirituality”. I have used my breath to beam into those darkened places in myself not with love, but with an intent to rid myself of that which I don’t accept. No wonder a lot of what I have been expressing in my music has been anguished. I have been doing it to myself.

OK. Again, I begin at the beginning. But maybe I can learn that that is a wonderful place to be. Maybe I can learn that that is all I will ever have. Maybe I will learn that that is actually everything.

Technorati Tags: Emergence, hope

I still have something to say that I haven’t said yet. I think I have been avoiding the issue. I think I really do need to find words. There is a lot that comes out in raw emotion through tone and all of the dynamics of sound, but the fact is, my throat chakra continues to be blocked on the left side. I have been working at this now for years. The blockage comes down from the back of my left ear down into my jaw and my neck and shoulder. I think it is something I have to say as a female.

I feel the need to apologize for being so plain in expressing that which may seem strange. This has been the case for me since I can remember. But I am who I am. I think I need to begin to accept that and be who I am without apology. Maybe that is part of what has kept me from speaking. Or writing lyrics. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I want people to accept me. But I need to be honest about who I am.

I finally sat down and began to use a method that my dear friend suggested to help me find words in a non-linear, non-reductionist??? way. An expansive way. A way that plops me right down into the ocean and lets the waves throw the words to me. We’ll see. I’ll let you all know.

Technorati Tags: chakras, Lyrics, sound