I have been in a dream for months now. I have been allowing myself to believe that if I dream hard enough I will create a vision so strong that I will be able to will it into being. But you can’t use a dream to cover up reality.

I have used so much of my energy trying to escape this messed up reality that I have in front of me that I could have used approaching it. OK. But here I am. I am now basically a single Mom. I need to find a means of support for myself and my two kids in what feels to me now like an unforgiving world. There are all kinds of things about my present reality that I don’t want to look at. I have some growing up to do. I guess that’s what the world does. It offers you opportunities to grow.

The longer I let this go, the more opportunities I may lose. It is time to put my feet on the ground and my nose to the grindstone. But it really ain’t so bad. As I have mentioned before, I am warm, I have enough to eat, I have friends, and I do have a few ways of making a living, even though I am not going to get rich doing them.

And in the mean time, I won’t give up on my dreams. I’ll just use them to help me create a plan for where I want to go.

Now let’s see how I feel as I let the blood actually flow through my veins in the pursuit of hard work!

This is a really difficult post for me to write. I am dedicating it to my two kids,  Missy and Bridger, and my two friends BJ and CeeCee.

Many of us have suffered abuse in this life. Many of us have been victims in one way or another. I was lucky as a child never to be exposed to that sort of thing. I grew up believing that the world is a loving and predictable place. I still believe that it is important to focus on love and truth. My problem has been in recognizing and accepting that there are some things that you need to turn away from. It is not possible to heal or help another human if they don’t want to be healed or helped.

Sometimes decisive action is necessary to protect the innocent from harm. Sometimes it is necessary to do what has to be done to get out of the way of fear and anger. In my attempt at being devoted and helpful, I allowed much harm. I am ashamed of how blind I have been. All I can do now is move forward.