I don’t know about all of you, but I have a really hard time being compassionate with myself. Somehow that stands in the way of me putting myself full force into the work that I need to do.

And I do think that that is key. What good is any work that any of us do that comes from a place of fear or lack?

I have a bunch of projects on my plate that are just wonderful. And I am working with each incrementally. But developing confidence is difficult for me. I hold myself back.

I have said before that connections with people are important to me. I am working on the assumption that it may be important to others also. I hope to find other people who will come out and work on community projects. With the changes coming on, I believe that it will become very clear how much we need each other. Two things that I am just beginning to work on are

1. A community center of some sort to fill whatever needs seem apparent, maybe a community garden, a simple gathering place where people can come together in my community and just talk. A place for the kids to hang out, who knows? I hope to get some folks together to talk about what is needed.

2. A community dialogue approaching the problem of local economy and how to shore up the ground up economy instead of it being so very dependent on top-down structures.

Am I getting myself in over my head? Maybe. But I guess I don’t have to do anything perfectly. Just trying and then continuing to try is key. These ideas were easy to come up with. Contacting a few people and getting a couple of wheels turning was easy. But how about the slogging work? This is where I will need to have courage and find compassion for myself. But I’ve got to try and then I’ve got to continue to try.

There is something that I need to remember. I need to remember that when a person responds with judgment and not compassion, that says something about that person who is judging. I am quick to believe other people’s assessment of my situation before I allow myself the time that I need to make my own assessment. True, I am looking for help. Sometimes I am really grasping.

Sometimes I feel like I am in a free fall. I have heard that if you can relax and allow that free fall that fall can turn into flight. Please Lord help me to let go.