OK. So I am free. Now what? I want someone to tell me what to do. I am afraid of making a mistake. But that doesn’t help. I have my own senses to rely upon. What is beauty? What is my inclination? How can I do all of this without ideation? This is where I guess I need to go quiet. My mind is limited by my thought processes. But maybe my mind is bigger than my thought processes. Or my thoughts.

Some things feel good. Some things don’t. Are these feelings based on ideation? Not always. If I really get clear, patterns emerge which seem to be more than just my conception. Or maybe not. I do my best. We all do our best. Like following the notes of music that come. But why do they come the way they do? I don’t know. Is it me or is it something beyond me? I don’t have any way of knowing.

You know, I thought that each moment I was creating my own reality. But I am not God. Maybe relaxing and allowing creation in all of its perfection from moment to moment would be more fun.

If I stop identifying myself as the creator, it is so freeing. I can give up the guilt and the responsibility. I don’t have to think about it any more. Then I can just be. Be what? Be a little baby just taking her first steps.

This is a discussion that I would like to have with a bunch of you who are out there. I am feeling my way through my own process of creating, what, well, everything that I have an influence on in my life.

Maybe every moment is a piece of art. Every moment intersects form and substance; movement; being. But it usually feels like movement of substance through form to me. Sometimes it feels like form coming down on substance like an encasing prison. Other times if feels like substance freeing up and going everywhere before it settles back down again wherever it will.

I am just playing with this now. Maybe it is best that I just continue to play with it as gleefully as I can without using my serious eyes to place all of the pieces where they “should” be.

What do you all think? Or feel? Or do?