My dear friend often uses humor with me when I am depressed. I was talking to him yesterday about the bracelet that I was given to help me become aware when I am complaining to myself. As I said in an earlier comment, I was told that perhaps if I switch the bracelet from one wrist to another every time I complain to myself, I will become more aware of how much I complain.

On the one hand, I did find it somewhat useful to become aware of this part of my thought process. I guess it’s always a good thing to be aware. On the other hand, I have a tendency to be very hard on myself as it is.

My friend was joking with me: “Oh, I was just stabbed in the back! Oh oh, I’m complaining! I’d better switch the bracelet! Oh, I was deficient in my awareness and I got in front of that bullet! Well, better switch the bracelet again! My goodness! I am such a complainer!” He had me in stitches. It felt so good.

Yes indeedy, yes sir ree sir! Come and see me come and read me everyone because right here today you will be transformed by being in my digital presence! Just come to www.suzemusic.net and you too can become enlightened!

Shoot. Hmmm . . . I wonder. You see folks, I am feeling a little depressed in the past couple of days. And I read my posts and I can’t help but think that I take myself a little bit too seriously some days.

True, I love music. True, I focus on spirit, (meaning, I guess, that I try to and sometimes, I believe, succeed in seeing a picture a little bit bigger than myself). But it is also true that I hope to make music and writing a way to make money. Or maybe more accurately, a livelihood. I am not sure yet how to get around the money part. But how can I put all of those things together? How do I avoid “selling out” in one way or another?

Back and forth and back and forth between depression where I don’t allow my own humanity and puffing myself up within my own mind out of a sense of insecurity; I really do want the love and approval of my fellow human beings, but I guess I need to find my own approval first.