This whole deal of “allowing” seems passive. There is an awfully lot of work that needs done in the world. What is this allowing thing, anyway? It’s true, I do get caught in reflective cycles which seem to keep coming back on themselves not going anywhere. But I have also spent a lot of energy on physically active pursuits which have seemingly dead ended with little positive result. Somehow I want to be in touch with a bigger picture so that the things that I choose to do result in helping me to get where I want to go. Like looking at the map before I begin my travels.

It ’s so easy to feel lost. The world can feel so big and lonely. So here I am. What do I want to do? I want to be helpful. How do I begin to be helpful? Well, this room could use picking up. My office is a mess. My business is not really going in the direction I want it to. I have not fully taken responsibility for it. I still consider it a cast off and I associate it with things that I don’t want to think about. But here it is. And it has been a great gift to me. This business has been used as an instrument for healing. Maybe if I look at it in a new way and put some positive energy into it, it may flourish.

I can’t go into it much here because it’s a part of my personal life that I don’t feel comfortable revealing here. Maybe someday I will. But in the meantime, maybe the specifics don’t matter much in this context. I bet most of us have something in our life that we cast aside as not worth going into. Sometimes those are the areas that really should be delved into.

So I begin with my office. Maybe the beginning of my creating a “save the world” campaign should begin with me picking up the mail off of my office floor. Maybe I should spend the day with my kids when I am done. Maybe I should go and visit my neighbors who had a recent tragedy. This is the material of my day. And it is the beginnings of my map.

And it doesn’t have to feel aimless. It is a part of the big picture of all of us, each of us going about our day, doing whatever our business is, doing the best we each can with our own lives, our own families, our own business. And we do interconnect. And we do affect each other. And if we have hope, those interconnections can feel positive. We can feel lifted when we go to the grocery store and smile at the person in front of us in line, or wave to the person who let us into traffic as we head home.

So what does this all have to do with global warming, potential war, terrorism, all of the frightening things going on in the world? What does this have to do with the financial crisis? Everything. We make up the material of our society. It may feel like there is no connection, but it is all just a matter of scale. Imagine the difference it would make if a significant percentage of all of us simply began to spend less time watching the television and instead visit neighbors with our kids, or just take a walk around our neighborhood to become aware of the people who live near us. I think that those first steps are the most important and form the base for the beginnings of empathy and understanding. War is just a lack of understanding on a larger scale. Terrorism is a desperate grab for power used by those who feel marginalized. Economics begin with our interrelationships and systems of helping each other through our lives.

I know this is simplistic. I know that when you get into the details of actually doing, it is not as easy as it sounds. But I think that many of us feel so disempowered by the scale of what needs to be done, that we do not even begin. Somehow we need to work together. Somehow we need to begin to change that which needs to change and we each need to begin with our own house, our own neighborhood, our own office.

So I pull the mail into a stack on my floor and pick up the top letter and open it. And the next, and the next. Tomorrow, I’ll do a few more. Maybe my friends will come over and help me. I bet they would have some great ideas. Maybe they need help with their stack. I would certainly be willing to help.

Technorati Tags: answers, economy, kids, mail, work

I am still thinking about giving and taking and how that relates to economy. I am still thinking about how what I do relates to money. Here is Wayne Muller on “Enough is Enough”:

Technorati Tags: economy, giving, taking, work

I don’t know about all of you, but I have a really hard time being compassionate with myself. Somehow that stands in the way of me putting myself full force into the work that I need to do.

And I do think that that is key. What good is any work that any of us do that comes from a place of fear or lack?

I have a bunch of projects on my plate that are just wonderful. And I am working with each incrementally. But developing confidence is difficult for me. I hold myself back.

I have said before that connections with people are important to me. I am working on the assumption that it may be important to others also. I hope to find other people who will come out and work on community projects. With the changes coming on, I believe that it will become very clear how much we need each other. Two things that I am just beginning to work on are

1. A community center of some sort to fill whatever needs seem apparent, maybe a community garden, a simple gathering place where people can come together in my community and just talk. A place for the kids to hang out, who knows? I hope to get some folks together to talk about what is needed.

2. A community dialogue approaching the problem of local economy and how to shore up the ground up economy instead of it being so very dependent on top-down structures.

Am I getting myself in over my head? Maybe. But I guess I don’t have to do anything perfectly. Just trying and then continuing to try is key. These ideas were easy to come up with. Contacting a few people and getting a couple of wheels turning was easy. But how about the slogging work? This is where I will need to have courage and find compassion for myself. But I’ve got to try and then I’ve got to continue to try.

Technorati Tags: compassion, giving, taking, work

How do I support myself and my family? Maybe I need to begin by offering whatever I have to the people around me. Maybe it is just a matter of deciding to do what I want to do. The details will, perhaps, take care of themselves if I really want to do something.

Technorati Tags: economy, giving, taking, work

I have been in a dream for months now. I have been allowing myself to believe that if I dream hard enough I will create a vision so strong that I will be able to will it into being. But you can’t use a dream to cover up reality.

I have used so much of my energy trying to escape this messed up reality that I have in front of me that I could have used approaching it. OK. But here I am. I am now basically a single Mom. I need to find a means of support for myself and my two kids in what feels to me now like an unforgiving world. There are all kinds of things about my present reality that I don’t want to look at. I have some growing up to do. I guess that’s what the world does. It offers you opportunities to grow.

The longer I let this go, the more opportunities I may lose. It is time to put my feet on the ground and my nose to the grindstone. But it really ain’t so bad. As I have mentioned before, I am warm, I have enough to eat, I have friends, and I do have a few ways of making a living, even though I am not going to get rich doing them.

And in the mean time, I won’t give up on my dreams. I’ll just use them to help me create a plan for where I want to go.

Now let’s see how I feel as I let the blood actually flow through my veins in the pursuit of hard work!

Technorati Tags: dream, ground, reality, work