Taking Responsibility
I have always thought of myself as being a giving and compassionate person. I have seen myself as a person who gives sometimes to her own detriment. I have been giving a voice to that part of myself that has been put aside for so very long. It has generally felt so wonderful that I have felt confident in simply allowing myself to go where I will, believing that it must all be for the good.
But I have continued to be self centered in this pursuit of expression. Yes, I am generally a giving compassionate person, but I am discovering that there are some boundaries between us which are necessary.
Fusing the anger that I am becoming aware of within myself with good intention is very conscious work. My life generally must now become more conscious and less random so that I will not further the anger and fear that has been placed on me over the years. It is necessary for me to be aware of my own limitations and my own potential to do harm.
This morning when I was playing and singing I found that this is already expressing itself in my music. Some of my music has been simply wailing like a wild animal. OK. That pain is real. But now what do you do with it? There is a lot of pain in the world. How do we transform that into positive action and feeling? This is my challenge. Maybe this is what beauty is about for me. I have not wanted to define what beauty is. I have not wanted anything placed upon me which would limit me. But I do have a responsibility for what I create.
Thank you all for supporting me through this difficult time.
tagged: anger, beauty, conscious, harm, intention, responsiblity
February 19th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Would be nice if you were part of blogger, then this registering wouldn’t be necessary.
Anyways, it seems to me as if poetry precedes the musical expression. If it doesn’t read well as poetry, chances are the musical result will not be satisfying.
But this is only me!
February 19th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Thanks for taking part, goatman. I can only speak from the way things come to me. At this point sound comes before lyrics for me. Although I have successfully put words to music many times. But not usually my words.
There was a time when I wrote poetry. I haven’t tried to do it in a long time. I must admit that I definitely put less focus on the words to my songs then the music. And that is true also with how I listen to music. I am much less likely to listen as carefully to the words than I do the music.
I guess what we each pay attention to says something about who we each are as people. Are you a poet or a songwriter goatman?
February 19th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Hi Suze,
I could tell right off the bat that you are a generous person, (as well as a gentle soul). Sometimes, generous people feel guilty when they give to themselves. I don’t know why this is, but it does not mean you are self-centered. This is over-simplifying things and is quite cliched, but you can’t love anyone unless you love yourself, and you can’t help anyone, unless you help yourself. The same goes for giving - you can’t give to anyone unless you give to yourself.
Be careful in giving so much to others, because you might forget about yourself. Also, be careful that no one takes advantage of you.
There is nothing wrong with expressing anger or pain in music. In fact, I think it’s an excellent and healthy outlet. If you think it’s getting to be too much, pretend you are a butterfly and write music that a butterfly would write. I don’t know what kind of music a butterfly would write, but maybe you can find out.
February 20th, 2008 at 9:04 am
You are absolutely right, Sophia. You can’t help someone else until you are present to yourself. Until you have given yourself full permission to be one of God’s children,(this is the way I put it to myself).
Part of opening to the universe has involved accepting all of the love and the light that comes with openness. In this process, parts of myself feel that love and light almost like pain. Parts of myself that need to move. The shadows. Yes, I am a pretty good person. But like anyone else, I have my shadows. I am allowing the light, (this is the way it feels) deeper into myself out of necessity. The things that I am going through are incredible. Incredible challenges require reaching deeper. I reach deeper and old not so good stuff emerges. I am finding this frightening. This is why I need to be conscious. Maybe you have heard of the “Shamanic Parasite”. People who have been abused tend to turn destructive either outwardly or inwardly. This is what I am recognizing now in myself. Thus, I need to be very conscious.
Thanks again, my friend, for your encouraging words and spirit.
February 23rd, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Hello I found this blog using search engine while searching for Poet Beauty and your post regarding Taking Responsibility, SuzeMusic looks very interesting for me
February 23rd, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Welcome, friend.